A LETTER TO NEWLYWEDS

MARRIED IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH

Dear Newlyweds,

            You started your journey by standing before a priest or deacon of the Catholic Church who witnessed you being the ministers of the Sacrament of Matrimony for one another.  Your ministerial roles do not end on the wedding day.  Your ministry to one another is key to your journey in life as a couple married in the Catholic Church.  By your desire to enter into the Sacrament of Matrimony and get married in the Catholic Church your journey of marriage becomes a witness to others of Christ's love for the church.  Consequently, you are called to be mindful of loving each other the way Christ loves the church.  That's a tall order for any couple and it is only by calling upon the grace that is given through the Sacrament that you both will be able to navigate through life as a couple and fulfill that mission. 

    As Pope Francis says, "Marriage is an act of faith between a man and woman who are both fragile and limited, but courageous enough to follow Christ and seek to love each other as He loves them.  Men and women who have the courage to carry this treasure in the 'earthen vessels' of our humanity, are an essential resource for the church and for the whole world.  May God bless them a thousand times for this!"

        The goal in marriage is not perfection but resilience, faithfulness and buoyancy in an ever-changing world. Resilience is the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. Our faithfulness is to one another and to God who is at the center of the relationship. Buoyancy is the ability to float above the floodwaters that are bound to come and to be joy-filled even in the midst of pain or frustration.

    It takes two people, committed to navigating the journey of life together in a sacramental relationship. Your journey will be unique but you can call upon tools the Catholic Church offers and tools other couples have used to assist you on your journey:

• The Eucharistic Celebration of the mass every Sunday and daily if possible.
• Reading the Bible together.
• Praying together and praying separately
• The Sacrament of Reconciliation
• Retreats - both as a couple and individually
• Joining Catholic couple groups - like Teams of Our Lady - to support you in a sacramental relationship. 
• Marriage conferences
• Reading books together and accessing websites that support your desire to continue to be ministers to one another of the Sacrament of Matrimony. 
• Attend fun social events at your church. 
• Invite other couples over and have game nights or movie nights and have fun together.  Laughter is so important in a sacramental relationship.  

    Keep a journal of your journey together so you can look back at it and know what has worked and what has not worked.  You are together because God has brought you together to learn what needs to be learned in this life and to bring Christ to others through your sacramental relationship. The wedding is just the beginning of the adventure. Enjoy the journey. There will be treacherous times that will have to be negotiated.  It’s worth the negotiation and discussions.  When you target a sacramental relationship and attempt to hit the bullseye on a daily basis you will find true freedom in your life!

True freedom requires self-denial, sound judgement and self-mastery. (Catechism 2223)   We offer you our family prayer as you begin your journey. 

Dear God, grant us the wisdom to discover the right,        the will to choose it and the strength to make it endure.  Amen

May this prayer help you discover the joy which comes from living in true freedom as a couple.    

    We echo Pope Francis' blessing.  May God bless you a thousand times for having the courage to enter into the Sacrament of Matrimony!

Sara & Francis Fontana

Reflections by Sara on John Wooden's book A LIFETIME OF OBSERVATIONS AND REFLECTIONS ON AND OFF THE COURT.   Many of the things he observes are directly related to targeting a Bullseye Marriage:

1. Good values attract good people.  You attract who you are.  I just had lunch with a good friend and she commented that she recently asked her husband, "Why did you want to become a husband?"  Which then made her begin to think, "Why did I want to become a wife?"  Great reflection questions, which move into questions like "what kind of wife/husband do I want to be?" What values am I portraying by the life I am living?  One of the key values of a Bullseye Marriage is Commitment. 

2. LOVE is the most powerful 4 letter word and "I believe in you" are the most powerful 4 words.  It's important to say "I love you" on a daily basis. 

3. Emotion is your enemy.   Champions make decisions based on their GOALS, other people make decisions based on how they feel.  What are the goals you have for your marriage?  Are you making decisions about your marriage based on those goals? 

4. Little things make big things happen.  Whatever is easy to do is also easy not to do.  Little things like saying thank you for little things - like taking the trash out, mowing the lawn, a hug.  Doing something because you know your spouse would like it done.  Little things done for the other on a regular basis can lead to a great relationship.

5. The carrot is mightier than the stick.  Focus on and recognize what your spouse is doing right.  Acknowledge them by word and praise. Let them know what you desire in your relationship.  Work together to develop what your Bullseye is as a couple, then praise each other not only when you hit the Bullseye but also when you get on or near the target!

6. Seek significant change. All growth demands change. You cannot change another person but you can influence the relationship by first working on yourself.  Your thinking, activities, goals and skills can truly influence the way others relate to you.  Signifant change for the better comes in marriage when both people are working towards the same goal and Bullseye. A great marriage does not just happen it is a daily achievement.  You have to make the changes and adjustments through the years.

7. Don't look at the scoreboard Don't compare yourself to others but seek to be the best couple you can be.  Play to your strengths.

8. Adversity is your asset.  Times of adversity is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship.  It is not easy - but it is worth it to persevere and work through the adversity to the other side.

 CARITAS PRAYER 

Thank you God for one more day to know You, love You and serve You.  

May my thoughts, my words and my actions show Your love to my self, my family and everyone I meet today.

 Amen

  Caritas is a Latin word which is full of deep meaning but at it's basic form means love.  Love of God and love of neighbor.  The English word 'charity' has 'caritas' as it's etytmological root.  It's an appropriate title for the prayer that Sara says everyday...several times a day.  

This prayer is a reminder to filter all thoughts, words and actions through God's love.  

Make it a habit to say this prayer every morning and throughout the day.  It is amazing what happens when your thoughts about your spouse, your words to your spouse and your actions to your spouse are all based on revealing God's love! 

The same for your children and everyone you meet.  We could start a wave that could change the world  just by filtering what we think, say and do through God's love! 

Put it into action today!